Tuesday, May 18, 2010

I Get Stuck In My Head

Sometimes I get stuck in my own head.

It's usually about this time of night. The time after the Babe is in bed. Husband asleep on the couch. The dogs have been let out and back in for the night. Too late to do laundry. Probably should be cleaning something. But haven't the energy. Nothing on TV that I really want to watch. Why do we keep cable anyway?

Need to head to bed but my brain doesn't agree. It won't turn off. It won't slow down. It's been this way as long as I can remember. Except of course when I used to used to take those meds that made me just pass out. Those didn't last long. Couldn't shake them the next morning. It's this time of night when I used to get my best work done. I'd work on whatever assignment I had for school. I'd scrapbook. I'd sew. I'd moderate on that forum I was an admin for. I'd work at the bar. I'd play darts. I'd do the accounting for my clients. And yes, it was all still accurate. :) But I used to always have something to DO.

Making plans for when and what. Sometimes for the next day. Next week. Next month. Sometimes for things in the distant future. Plans that will probably never come to fruition. But plans all the same. Planning vacations I don't have the money for. Researching odd topics. Stalking people on Facebook. At what point is it really stalking? Reading blogs. Doing a lot of nothing consequential. But keeping my brain busy.

But now a days I tend to just get stuck in my head. Playing things over and over. Not really second guessing. I don't tend to play "what if"s or "if only"s. I get stuck in scenarios. You see, planning and doing keep me from going crazy. They keep me from losing my mind. I have to make a conscious effort to keep my brain busy. Or the memories will tear me apart. They try to. A little at at time. And the anxiety then keeps my brain going faster. So I "do" to keep my brain from taking on ideas of its' own.

Sorry to be such a downer. But I'm stuck in my head. I'll try and be better tomorrow. I'll plan for it.


Debrinconcita said...

I have found myself thinking this same way. But, why do we do it, why do we waste so much time thinking about everything. That's why we can't rest and shut down. This has been bothering me for a while now. I don't want to take sleeping pills either. Tried that and hate the grogginess the next day. When you find something that helps, let me know too. I will do the same okay, I can't shut down.

Klaudea said...

Beautiful. I get stuck in my head often too, and it is EXACTLY as you described it.

Carolyn said...

Thanks for the support. It's good to know it isn't just me.

MuggleGirl said...

lol this is like my life story as well

suzy said...

aw i feel this way sometimes. mostly at night.
my poor husband.
stop by and visit sometime!

Fairy Whispers said...

I live my head every chance I get:)
It's a much better world in there!