Scrapping and standing in line

So this weekend was Scrapfest in Minneapolis at the Mall of America. And what a great time! It was nice to do something that was ALL mine for the weekend. The merry team was my mother, my sister, my friend Susan, and myself. We were joined on Friday by the beautiful Emma who did a great job considering she was in a stroller all day and couldn't get down and crawl away. LOL

Tons of make and takes were done. But that of course involved standing in line to get your turn to make one. It wasn't so bad though. One vendor gave away tote bags, another a small brag book size photo album. I learned several new papercrafting ideas for altered items. It was fun! I also took some 45 minute classes on cardmaking, altered art, and scrapbook ideas. The classes moved fast and it was sometimes hard to keep up. And of all the classes only one actually finished the project we started. That was fine though, because they sent us home with enough to finish the project. Some classes gave us WAY more than we needed. Freebies rock! I won two small door prizes. One I have no idea how I'll use it. The other was flowers. My goodness I love flowers!

But lest we not forget. Paper makes me happy.

Happy Wednesday and be well!

Playing Catch Up

OMGoodness! Has it really been nearly a month since I added a new blog? Loyal readers, I owe you a HUGE apology. LOL

August has become a blur. I can't figure out how I planned so much in one month. What was I thinking? And what did I do for September? Oh, about the same thing. Oh well. It's all a grand adventure.

the biggest adventure this month was definately a week long stay in hartford, connecticut. Interesting state. I'll have to fill you in on that week in a separate blog.

Last night we had our first party at the new house. We grilled brats and basically all sat on the porch and avoided the sun. Thank heavens for the gazebo or we would have fried. Nothing like a party to get you to get things done! Eric and I about killed ourselves with yard work on Saturday. And I must say that it is beautiful! The backyard is now in pretty good shape. between that and the fact that the main level of my house is in order, I'm feeling pretty good about the way things are right now. Amazing how a clean house can make you just feel better.

Now if only my back would stop throbbing from being bent over all day Saturday. LOL

Dreams and what not

I woke up this morning from a very vivid dream. It was one of those ones where you forget you are dreaming. And then when you wake up you can't figure out if it was a dream or a remembering. Know what I mean? And now I can't get the dream of just before I woke up out of my head. Almost obsessing over it actually. huh.

I read once that dreams are made out of real things in our life. Dream intrepretation is a big money job for many people. Myself, I usually don't try and read alot into dreams. I figure it's just my brain playing wishing and what if games or making my living fears nightime manifestations. It's kind of nice though when they are based in positive things that you wouldn't mind having happen. :) Or a rememberance of things that HAVE happened that you want to remember.

So last night's dream was not only vivid, it was, well... it was something that I've thought about happening in my waking life. Not exactly the way I would have planned it in the waking version but the dream version was OK too. I can't exactly tell what happened because it's one of those dreams that would be warped if other people read it. And since I can't FULLY explain, I'm not even scraping the surface of it. But if you are someone that is REALLY good at analyzing dreams, call me or email. I'll share that way. :)

So as Jack Johnson says, "All of these moments just might find their way into my dreams tonight." What finds it's way into your dreams?

Happy Monday - aka why not to take two days off of work at the first of the month.

Beginning of the month. Take a two day training. Sounded like a good idea at the time. But that was of course BEFORE I moved the board meeting up a week, planned a week training in Connecticut and a two day trip to NYC, a baby shower, and year end financials. What was I thinking? Oh yeah. Wasn't thinking. See... I haven't changed one bit.

But the training was WONDERFUL. I think I may take up a new life path as a development coordinator. Because NOW I know how to write the grants and a lot more about where to send them to. LOL Now if only I had the time to actually do the writing and do the sending. But that's a story for another Monday. And a wish for another time.

The weekend was rather zooish but not at all unpleasant. Spent Thursday (or was it Monday) night hanging out with Kurt who came to town to go the zoo. We do have a rather nice zoo here you know. See. We even have gorillas. :) www.omahazoo.com



So back to the zooish weekend....

Thursday and Friday were the above mentioned workshop on grants. Saturday had a ton of plans that mostly involved unpacking. (see every post from the month of July) But instead, Eric and I found a little bit of nothing that all added up to taking up the whole day. It was actually a nice, yet zooish, diversion from the mass chaos of the prior weeks. (again, pick a post from July, you'll get the idea.)

So Saturday night, another of my very best friends came to visit after spending an unbearably hot day at the (guess now), yes, you guessed right, at the ZOO. Because as you know from above, we have a pretty cool zoo here.

sidebar - Why is it that every time I, or someone I care about decides to go the zoo, or the amusement park, or say, get married in an outside ceremony, why do we pick the HOTTEST days to do it? If it isn't hot, it rains. If it doesn't rain, it snows. If there was a drought and not we are trying to get away from flooding, the rain follows us. I mean, does mother nature really not like us so much that she says, "oh look. Carolyn and her friends are going to the [insert attraction here]. Sounds like a good day for [insert natural disaster here]." Not like I really believe that mother nature really has time to worry about little ole us, but I'm starting to wonder. End sidebar.

So Saturday night, Erika and brood came to visit. We went to the Old Market and ate at Spaghetti Works. Come to think of it, we went there about a month ago too. Considering we don't go there except maybe 3 or 4 times per year, that's a little coincidental. hmmm. ponder that. oops sorry, got sidetracked.

So Saturday night, E & brood and us, went to eat and have fun and shop and did I mention it was unyielding hot this weekend? We about fried. Good thing for big glasses of water at the SW.

Sunday brought a visit to my NEW house by E & brood. They all agreed that I have a nice yard. LOL The house passed inspection too.

Eric and I planned to do all kinds of more unpacking and fixing and what not on Sunday. But we didn't. He slept all day, and who was I to disturb that.

OK, off for a while. Saga to continue later. I have groceries to deliver. Don't ask. It's a longer story that you want to be subjected to today.

TTFN.

Welcome to Homeownership

So we DID close on the house. We closed on the Friday. Moved a few trips worth on Sat & Sun. Scheduled a moving truck for Tuesday. Then ended up taking us the rest of the week to move. Had it not been for Eric, I would still be moving. He was such an awesome help. I can never repay that. Mom came on Fri/Sat to help me clean. That was nice. Otherwise I would have had to take another day off work to clean.

Now if only I could get all of the boxes UNpacked.

The day that would never come

I quit keeping track of how many times we've been told we are going to close on this house. Now once again, we are supposed to close tomorrow. But apparently it's real. We did a final walk-through tonight. The realtor even took the key so she could give it to me tomorrow. How funny is that. LOL

I've stalked this house since there was snow on the ground and tomorrow night, I might actually get to walk through the door to a house that is mine. A house I PICKED OUT. A house that I can see having my grandkids come visit in.

I think I may burst.

3:00 may never come

So once again, we are supposed to close tomorrow. I'll believe it when we are sitting there. This has been a disaster. I can't believe what we've been through. I'm surprised the seller is even willing to still sell it to us. Then again, they waited a year, what's another 2 months. TWO MONTHS!! This is nuts.

So cross whatever you've got available to cross. Maybe we'll actually close. Or maybe not.

Awesome weekend, wierd Monday

Got to see Jimmy Saturday! How much better can life get than that. He was at a conference a couple of hours north of us. So we went up to spend time with him during their afternoon break. Now if only it hadn't been so flippin hot. Jim and I tried to fish on the way back but that didn't work out. Lots of heat, little to no bites. Jim did catch his record bass though! It was a little bigger than the minnow. It was hysterical.

I've found that the older my kids get the nicer they are to be around. Who would have thought that during the teenage hellion years. LOL I still count myself lucky though that they didn't make the same mistakes I did. At least they made their own new ones. So apparently we did something right. I used to tell them that it didn't matter what they thought of me then but what they thought of me 10 years from then that mattered. They all seem to like me ok now so I guess we did OK. Either that or they are doing a good job of forgiving. Someone get back to me on that when you figure it out, OK?

So speaking of kids, Amber got her CNA certification this week. I am so friggin proud I could split the seams!! Now she is looking for a position that will utilize her new found skills. Did I mention I'm very proud of her?

Jim's birthday was Friday. Friday and Saturday didn't work out for going out for said birthday so we went out last night. We went to Spaghetti Works. That in and of itself is enought reason to count the day as a good day. Double it with getting to scrapbook all afternoon and life is good.

So thus we get to Monday. It was a Monday. That about sums it up.

But hey, we may get to close on the house this week! That's a plus. Until later....

Live long and prosper.

Today was a Thursday that was really a Monday

Today was a Thursday that was really a Monday. Yes, I know. That makes no sense. But it's all yesterday's fault. I mean, I know July 4th is always on the 4th. duh. But I hate when it falls in the middle of the week. Because then people apparently found themselves thinking that Wednesday was really a Sunday and that it had been a weekend and therefore today was a Monday and they felt it necessary to make their Monday phone calls, which of course meant that they had to call my work and ask not so smart questions. (how's that for a run on sentence?)

So that left today as a Monday. Today was supposed to be Thursday (which is usually a very quiet get things done kind of day). Instead Thursday was a really a Monday.

Get it?

But on a lighter note:

Booked tickets today for a trip to Connecticut/NYC. Never been to either so this should be good. If only it didn't involve a week long training and a trip to the federal prison, it could be downright fun! A day trip to NYC should make it worth it. Now I just have figure out what to do in the Danbury area for most of a day on a Friday in August. That and what to do on a Sunday morning in said same Connecticut town.

Connecticut. What does that mean anyway? Sounds like it is a shortcut from one place to another. Can imagine that you can really call a whole state a shortcut though.

Summer sure is flying by. We've come a long way from the winter but when you consider it's really too late in the season to plant any decent veggies to harvest later that usually means you've hit the downhill slide. Dreaded hot though. Our once swampy yard of 8 weeks ago is now so dry there are huge cracks in it. I measured one yesterday that was 7 inches deep. How sad. Glad I'm not dependent on the ground for my living. Can't imagine that anything is prospering very well.

Ok, i'm rambling yet again. Must be time to quit. Until later...

Be well.

Waiting SUCKS!! but Fireworks are cool.

Ok, so here we are. It's Tuesday. Tuesday the third of July. Why you ask is that an issue? Oh yes, let me tell you. BECAUSE WE WERE SUPPOSED TO CLOSE TODAY! And we have not. :( I am so sad. Apparently FHA is backed up. That and they decided to nit pic something that was there before but now is apparently an issue.

Oh well. As my lovely realtor Kathy reminded me yesterday, it's only a few days and after this it won't matter because I'll be in the house for as long as I want to! Which is good, because packing sucks worse than waiting and this is the last time I'm packing for a VERY long time.

On to brighter things. Today being the third of July which is of course the day before the FOURTH of July, there were fireworks at the stadium tonight. We of course HAD to go watch. Y'all would be proud of me. I didn't try even ONCE to take a picture of them. I did however, find a really cool, very specific article on how to take pictures of fireworks. http://tech.yahoo.com/blogs/null/936 I plan to use the tips tomorrow night and see whether or not it works! Now if only I can figure out where I put the tripod. Pretty sure I haven't packed it yet. LOL

Did I mention I bought a house?

Ok, so maybe not "bought" a house but we are BUYING a house. Should close next week. **jumping up and down really fast** as if I can of course jump up and down. LOL

So this is the house that I have been somewhat obsessed, ok, I admit, completely obsessed with. I think everyone that has come anywhere near me in the last few months has heard about the house. Those close enough to SEE me have SEEN the house. See, I'm obsessed. But the obsessed has paid off and the house is MINE!!!

Anybody want to come to a party?

From myspace to My Space

So as much as I love myspace, some things about it bug me. Including that persons that are not myspacers don't much like the nonusablility of my blog there. So the blog moves here. How cool is that?!

June 3rd comes and goes again

Here is what we did yesterday.
http://helpfindachild.com/inthenews/np_20070604.htm
Thank you to those who attended. Thank you to those who were "with us" but couldn't come. Your thoughts and prayers were felt.

She's all growing up.

Amber graduated from HS today. I am so proud of her.

My Grandma died today

My grandma died today. She led a full life. Alzeheimer's took her mind before her body was ready to be done. So on a positive note: her memories have been restored. That's a really good thing. But then it occurred to me that she now KNOWS everything too. I could be in BIG trouble. :(

Now I just sit here and bawl intermittently. Getting old after five hours of it. My brother was the one to call me. Then he went to the care center to sit with my grandpa. Who is nearly as disoriented as my grandma was. Apparently he isn't very lucid. Mom says he is talking but not making much sense. Honestly, it won't be long before he is gone as well. I think he'll literally die of a broken heart.

I scrapbooked pages from their wedding a few weeks ago. So glad now that I did. But I also know, I didn't do their stories justice.

I'm gonna miss her. The "Oh Carolyn"s. Funny, she could say exactly the same two words but depending upon inflection, they could be so drastically different in meaning. There was the "Oh Carolyn" when I did something she was proud of. The "Oh Carolyn" when I disappointed her. The "Oh Carolyn" said with thanks. The "Oh Carolyn" when I was being beckoned for something. Usually involved peeling something. "Oh Carolyn" that meant I was in BIG trouble. "Oh Carolyn". Can't believe it could mean so much with so little.

I already miss pink applesauce, oatmeal scotchies, trips to the drug store for nothing at all, walking up to the DQ. All the things we lost when she had to give up her independence.

A friend said earlier that this was her way of saying, "Fine. Don't invite me to Amber's graduation. I'll show you." It struck me as odd at the time. But you know what? She's so proud of everything Amber ever has done. And graduations have always been huge for both her and my grandfather. And now, well now she gets to see Amber's. And she'll have the best seat in the house.

Long time no blog aka manic anyone?

Howdy friends! Ok, so anyone that knows me well knows the following:

a) I don't remember to send birthday cards very well, even though I make alot of them and have a perpetual calendar thing. This now apparently includes graduation party invitations, thank you notes, and mother's day cards.
b) I have small OCD problem that gets worse when I have anxiety issues. This includes the anxiety brought about by the unsent birthday cards.
c) I should not be allowed near ANY store when manic. This includes Target, Scrapbook stores, Michael's, Joann's Crafts, Pier One, World Market, and generally any place that sells things I think I want or need. It is apparent now that this should also include the internet and realtors.
d) Good legal drugs are my friend. : )
e) My house is a wreck at the moment but there are pockets of VERY well organized VERY clean.
f) I seriously wish those pockets would multiply because I can only start so many projects at one time. Anybody want to come finish said projects?
g) My life has been consumed by prom, graduation, and related activities! But I don't mind one bit.
h) National Missing Children's Day is May 25th. http://www.take25.org/
I) this autocorrect thing sucks b/c I do NOT want that to be a capital I.
j) My "best friend that says I am her best friend that lives far away" is coming to my HOUSE IN JUNE!!!
k) my sister, and baby E, and my mom are coming then too!

Ok, enough of the letters, that's getting old.

I have become obsessed with this really cool house. Email me, or PM, or message, or whatever and I'll send you a link to it. We got approved today for an FHA loan. Tomorrow we'll hopefully get an accepted offer!! Ok, probably not tomorrow because they suck at getting back to their realtor, but HOPEFULLY!! So maybe my bftsiahbftlfa (see above) and sister and mom will get to be coming to visit me in my new house? Or maybe I should plan to move that weekend so they have to help. Hmmm. **scratches head after light bulb moment**

The little one graduates this weekend. We will NOT discuss the impending empty nest issues today. If you have questions, see b & c above. But we have a ton of people coming this weekend which is super cool!! There are friends & family coming from several states, we are having a HUGE party on Saturday at the state park. Again with the contact me for more info if you didn't get an invite. It's not that we don't love you it's just that…. Well, see item a above.

I am SOO proud of her I could just jump out of my skin! But I haven't yet. Reference item d above.

Ok, have to fly…. I will update when I remember to!

Love to all. Be well and be safe.

Q: What is the bravest thing you have ever done?

That was the question on an online interview that I was just looking at. What is the bravest thing you have ever done?]

Q: What is the bravest thing you have ever done?

A: I got out of the bed the day after my daughter was abducted. The actual action of getting out of bed that morning may not seem all that brave now as I sit here 5 and a half years later, but at the time it was a world record type accomplishment for me. Because spending another 24 hours not knowing where Erin was or if she was Ok or not or who had taken her or what they were doing to her or any of the other 10000 things I was thinking of in that split second after awakening was the scariest thing I have ever faced in my life. And it took every bit of "brave" I could muster.

And every day I have to pretend to be brave and do it again and again. :(

What's the bravest thing you have ever done?

Hope Story!

My cell phone rang at 4:41 last Friday afternoon. Not an unusual occurrence by any means, but this call was different. On the other end was my friend Christine. Christine lives in St Louis. "They're doing a breaking news story on the news here. They found Ben Ownby, Carolyn. He's alive. And you won't believe this; they found him with Shawn Hornbeck." I can't tell you what I said next. I honestly don't remember. I'm sure I said something to her.

After hanging up with her I'm not sure I believed her. Not that I think she was lying or anything like that. I just needed to see for myself. After logging onto the website for the Fox Station in St Louis, I found a live feed to their news; the news that was showing a story that I was amazed to be watching. And I think it was more than an hour before I moved from that spot again.

Tears. Tears of happiness started. I was so happy for these families. They had a happy ending. Had it been just Ben found after less than a week, I'd have been happy. But FOUND Shawn Hornbeck? He's been missing four and half years! I remember reading the story on the news after our own case was about a year old. A brief conversation with Shawn's mom when they were in the middle of the ground search to find him; hearing the pain in her voice that I had come to know so well. Letting her go so quickly because I knew she needed to be "doing," "looking," not talking to me on the phone. And now this family had resolution. And not the horrific resolution so many families have. SHAWN IS ALIVE!!

Tears. Tears of sadness came. So sad that wasn't us. Wasn't our family having this miracle. But it can still be, can't it?

Christine said it best during our phone call Friday afternoon when she called to tell me the breaking news. "Here is your hope story, Carolyn. Erin will still come home too." This is my hope story. Erin can still come home safely. Our family can still be whole again.

Other families can still be whole again. This breaking in all of our hearts can start to heal again. I need to tell them too! Tell them of this miracle story in Missouri. So I started calling them. Can't say who I called first. Not even sure I remember who all I called.

I called Kelly Jolkowski. "Kelly, you won't believe this story!" Jason can come home too. www.projectjason.com

I called Jannel Rap. www.411gina.org "Jannel, are you sitting down? They found Ben Ownsby. They found Shawn Hornbeck. They found them together! They are both alive. They are alive Jannel!"

I called my friend Gay in Houston. I know their organization has been offering assistance to the Hornbecks over the years. www.lrcf.org Poor Bob. Gay wasn't home and I practically screamed in the phone at him trying to tell him. I talked myself in a full circle, but I told him! He probably thinks I'm completely insane. I'm not so sure I'm not.

Pretty sure I called my mom. And at least one or two other people. So if your phone rang early evening on Friday and some crazy person on the other end was saying intangibles about kids and bikes and sex offenders and St Louis and tears and you had no idea what was going on? Yeah that was me. Sorry about that.

But it was me who had found my hope again.

Hope Story

My cell phone rang at 4:41 last Friday afternoon. Not an unusual occurrence by any means, but this call was different. On the other end was my friend Christine. Christine lives in St Louis. "They're doing a breaking news story on the news here. They found Ben Ownby, Carolyn. He's alive. And you won't believe this; they found him with Shawn Hornbeck." I can't tell you what I said next. I honestly don't remember. I'm sure I said something to her.

After hanging up with her I'm not sure I believed her. Not that I think she was lying or anything like that. I just needed to see for myself. After logging onto the website for the Fox Station in St Louis, I found a live feed to their news; the news that was showing a story that I was amazed to be watching. And I think it was more than an hour before I moved from that spot again.

Tears. Tears of happiness started. I was so happy for these families. They had a happy ending. Had it been just Ben found after less than a week, I'd have been happy. But FOUND Shawn Hornbeck? He's been missing four and half years! I remember reading the story on the news after our own case was about a year old. A brief conversation with Shawn's mom when they were in the middle of the ground search to find him; hearing the pain in her voice that I had come to know so well. Letting her go so quickly because I knew she needed to be "doing," "looking," not talking to me on the phone. And now this family had resolution. And not the horrific resolution so many families have. SHAWN IS ALIVE!!

Tears. Tears of sadness came. So sad that wasn't us. Wasn't our family having this miracle. But it can still be, can't it?

Christine said it best during our phone call Friday afternoon when she called to tell me the breaking news. "Here is your hope story, Carolyn. Erin will still come home too." This is my hope story. Erin can still come home safely. Our family can still be whole again.

Other families can still be whole again. This breaking in all of our hearts can start to heal again. I need to tell them too! Tell them of this miracle story in Missouri. So I started calling them. Can't say who I called first. Not even sure I remember who all I called.

I called Kelly Jolkowski. "Kelly, you won't believe this story!" Jason can come home too. www.projectjason.com

I called Jannel Rap. www.411gina.org "Jannel, are you sitting down? They found Ben Ownsby. They found Shawn Hornbeck. They found them together! They are both alive. They are alive Jannel!"

I called my friend Gay in Houston. I know their organization has been offering assistance to the Hornbecks over the years. www.lrcf.org Poor Bob. Gay wasn't home and I practically screamed in the phone at him trying to tell him. I talked myself in a full circle, but I told him! He probably thinks I'm completely insane. I'm not so sure I'm not.

Pretty sure I called my mom. And at least one or two other people. So if your phone rang early evening on Friday and some crazy person on the other end was saying intangibles about kids and bikes and sex offenders and St Louis and tears and you had no idea what was going on? Yeah that was me. Sorry about that.

But it was me who had found my hope again.

How can something imaginary still hurt?

"Most of all thank you for being TRUE friends. It means more than you know..... and thanks for reading my ramble. I just needed you all to know how much you mean in my life. You are all the best!!"

Two years sure changes alot. I really meant it when I wrote it. Now I can't believe I ever even wrote that.

Now here I sit with a knife in my back. Funny, how can an imaginary person yield such a REAL knife? Ok, not so funny.

If you REALLY know me, you know I'd NEVER say something behind your back I wouldn't say to your face. And me in my apparently naive mind figured that others would do the same.

?? what are you thinking? People with no respect for you, who backstab you, obviously don't like you as much as a friend would. this life is too short for continous mishaps and betrayals by "friends" and there's a world full of people out there. You deserve better maybe?

Yeah, that's it. I deserve better. So all you "friends"?? Yeah, just remove yourself, because honestly, I don't have the energy and while I was GOING to do it myself, everyone I started to remove was just one more TURN of the knife. So here.......

have your knife back.